im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That accounts for only three of the penises
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize