I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
