Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
