Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
