R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
