ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
