I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
