everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
