Yo dont text me then not text me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
