white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
