no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
