I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
