he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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