I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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