someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
