I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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