Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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