Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
