JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
