he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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