You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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