I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
