dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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