Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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