Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
