best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
