Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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