And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
