bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
