hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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