your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
