So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
