My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
