I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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