so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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