Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
