stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
