I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
