Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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