drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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