a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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