Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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