My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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