Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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