Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
