Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
