I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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