1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
