Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
