i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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