Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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