the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
