I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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