i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
