I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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