Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
