I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
