why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
