I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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