while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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