I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize